Big Pimpin' Tuna Salad and Fun with Condiments

I love condiments. (By condiments I mean toppings, marinades, sauces and pickled stuff.)


I don't recall meeting a condiment I didn't like and try to take home. So if condiments were like hookers and the grocery store was like a red light district...Well, you get it. I like them a whole bunch. Condiments, not hookers.

Hey baby, you wanna date?

I am overwhelmed. Almost everywhere I look there is a surplus of something that needs to be consumed or used. While it would be noble to donate the condiments to a local food bank, I'm thinking they won't find the jars of capers, marinated artichokes and hot cherry peppers as useful as other foods. 


I've heard mixed reports of movers either allowing or not allowing you to pack food. While it would be really nice if they'd pack everything, I think glass jars of picked okra and chow chow might make for a big mess once they break in transit. I'd rather eat it than pick it out of everything I own. Military wives are great at blogging their moving adventures (Thank you!) so I'm heeding some of their advice.


What's a pimp to do? 

What's a housewife to do?

I started thinking of dishes that use a lot of condiments. My goal is to use at least something from my awesome collection every meal. 

There's a whole shelf in my pantry devoted to condiments. The door of the fridge is also full.

The first thing that jumped out at me was the five cans of tuna. Helllllooo! Tuna salad may be the finest condiment disbursement meal of all time. I went digging. And ended up with a salad full of condiment-y goodness.


Big Pimpin' Tuna Salad 


1  small can of tuna (I love the kind packed in olive oil found in the highfalutin section of the store. It's not dry and it actually has flavor. Gasp!)
1 tbsp of the Hot Green Tomato Relish (pictured above)
1 tsp of Deli Mustard w/ Horseradish
1 tbsp of Mayo
1 Hot Cherry Pepper (pictured above) seeded and diced
1 hard boiled egg, diced
1/2 scallion, sliced thin
1-2 tbsp of diced bell pepper.
1 tbsp of sun dried tomatoes or 1/2 small tomato, diced
Salt and pepper to taste

Best of all, it takes a cutting board, knife and bowl. No kitchen disaster necessary.

Stir and have at it. PS...it's super easy to double. If you only have water packed tuna, add a splash of olive oil. And start buying the good stuff packed in olive oil. It's tuna, not a Whopper with cheese, it will be okay. Trust the pimpness.


There are so many tuna combinations. Tomorrow I may try a Greek version with pepperoncini peppers, kalamata olives and more of those yummy sun dried tomatoes from Trader Joe's that I've been stocking up on like they're some antidote to the zombie apocalypse. 

Planning for the Unknown

My husband is finishing up his last year of law school and is applying for jobs in the military with JAG. 

I grew up in a military town and met lots of military kids as they started another new school and tried to meet new friends. I wondered what it would be like moving from place to place and meeting friends as an adult. Because I was a teen in a military town my experiences with the military involved me avoiding airmen like the plague. These underdeveloped airmen with overdeveloped egos would move into town and use the sensible local girls for target practice. They looked at all the local girls as if we had bulls eyes on our foreheads and the chase ensued. They wanted a girlfriend, a wife or someone to pass the time. It was a bit of a shock when my 30 something year old husband declared joining the military after law school was what he really wanted to do with his law degree. I couldn't picture him as the 21 year old neanderthal that would swoop in and run off with the sensible southern girl tossed over his shoulder. I admit, I freaked out. Military? Him? Wait...what? 

I did what I do best, I researched and asked questions. I talked to my friends in the military, my friends that were swooped off their feet by 21 year old airmen and are happy military wives today and I spent weeks reading blogs and researching bases. After my initial hesitation I am now completely on board with it. He did his internship with the Air Force and loved it. I could see it cement in his brain and anything that gets him this excited gets my seal of approval. How did I not see the perfect fit before? Ah, that's right, I was biased.

The application and selection process is more competitive than ever and I hear there is about a 5% acceptance rate. Hubs is a smart cookie. He's in the top 11% of his class, an editor of Law Review, on Moot Court and a long list of other things that boggle my brain to keep up with. I can't imagine him ever being an ambulance chaser or just doing something for the income. I really do think he'll make a great judge someday as he's probably the most levelheaded and fair person I know. He's started the interview process and I'm as anxious as he is to get the results. 

Since I'm a planner I've been doing lots of research on what will happen if he does go this route. Don't laugh, may as well do something with the nervous energy (other than the laundry piled up from my trip last week). There may be lots of moves...lots and lots of moves. I've already started a spreadsheet. My sister-in-law, Mary Beth, laughed and said it's my OCD kicking in. I say if there is a chance you may have to stop, drop and move to parts unknown with very little notice, you'd better start running some scenarios in your head (or spreadsheet) or it will be your own fault if you crack and get tossed into a rubber room. We have pets, a full house of furniture and have been married for going on nine years. We're established. We've got lots of stuff that needs to be sorted, donated, packed, moved, transferred to family, etc. It's not like we live in a one bedroom with a milk crate for a coffee table. I'm a very good consumer and the contents of our home are proof. 

I'm a housewife, albeit not a great one, but if I can't do anything to help with school at least I can start worrying about the little things that need consideration. Who knew some moves involving pets need micro-chipping and rabies records for 6 months prior to the move? Seriously. My pets aren't micro-chipped. It's not an enormous hassle to get them micro-chipped the next time they're in for their shots. If I get it done now I won't be wishing for a wormhole later to get those six months of records I'll need to have. No harm and no foul if he ends up doing something else post-law school. I'll just have iron clad vet records and a few spreadsheets to delete.

There are so many amazing blogs out there by military members, military wives and I wondered how they managed to do it before the internet and the sharing of ideas on blogs and message boards. Just reading the blogs has made me more comfortable with the possibilities. 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

I've only seen a minute or two of the TV show. It was enough to make my ears bleed and want to poke out my eyes with sticks. I'm a housewife, a real one and I live in Atlanta. I've never been botoxed, I don't host swanky parties and if I ever behaved like that in public I would hope someone would toss water on me, call an exorcist or give me a swift kick in the butt. Not that I wouldn't mind getting botoxed, I am at that age after all.

When you say "See ya" to work you also kiss that regular paycheck goodbye. I was a REALLY good consumer. Shopping was my past time and I did it very well. Stepping away from shopping and spending was one of the hardest things to do when I quit my unnecessarily stressful and well paying job with Clear Channel Radio. I also had to give up things like girls trips to Vegas, eating out 10-15 times a week and the "holy hell" bar tabs from dining out with friends and clients.

I'm the world's most underqualified housewife. I'm domestically retarded. I'm learning to cook, learning to clean, and learning to live a little. I'm finally getting a chance to do all those things I couldn't do when I was a slave to corporate America. It's a trade off. I can't afford to travel Europe, but I am learning to appreciate everything that I can do that won't put us in the poor house.